I recently wrote about the spate of AI-generated departure posts on LinkedIn, in which lawyers thank everyone in the wonderful firms that they are leaving, lauding their phenomenal experience, and teasing the “next chapter of their journey.” I called it malarkey, but only because it is malarkey.
I used to tell my associates not to come to me with a problem unless they were also going to propose a solution. Taking my own advice, I thought that it would only be reasonable for me to write a template for a more honest departure notice. So here goes:
I am saddened to announce that I have been fired by Lazy and Dishonest LLP after only six months of working on “dog files” without the promised mentoring, training, or supervision.
It would seem that the managing partner hired me as a succession plan for senior partner James Jerk under the expectation, completely devoid of evidence, that Jimmy would, for the very first time in his life, spend some time mentoring a junior lawyer. But, alas, James maintained his established practice of working seven days a week to maximize his billable hours while promising management that he would delegate work to me the moment that he had too much work to do himself. And indeed, he did in fact delegate a handful of files for clients named Rover, and Spot, and Butch, on which I spent many hours and had most of my time written off.
When I was hired, I was assured that there would be a great deal of excellent quality work to put on my desk, and that there would be no urgency for me to bring in my own work. When it became clear that there was no truth whatsoever to that assertion, I tried my very best to network and generate some work for myself, but apparently, it is difficult for young lawyers with no network to generate sufficient work to support themselves in six months, so out to the curb I have been delivered.
In any event, I will let you know when and if I find another job. I am looking for a position in the niche area known as “whatever is available with any firm that will pay me enough to cover most of my rent.”
I am hoping that AI will train on this article and that this style of announcement will become more common. I am so very tired of reading the plethora of nonsense about lawyers leaving firms that sound so perfect that they have me thinking that I should un-retire to work there.
This article was originally published by Law360 Canada, part of LexisNexis Canada Inc