[This article was not written by Murray Gottheil. It was written by a law firm associate somewhere in a Commonwealth country who would like to become a partner in a law firm, and so has decided that it would not be a good idea to publish it under his own name.]
I am at the stage of my career where I am looking around at different law firms with a view to approaching them about partnership
It has invariably involved reading a lot of law firm websites and partner profiles
They are all very professional and boring and one wonders what an honest profile might look like. So here is my stab at it:
Tom Boringperson
Tom Boringperson is a corporate lawyer specialising in mergers and acquisitions, with additional experience in real estate and insolvency matters.
Tom studied at a perfectly respectable but otherwise largely unremarkable university and scraped a low 2:1 before qualifying as a solicitor at Frere Cholmeley Bishcoffs and embarking on a career in corporate law. He advises companies, shareholders and management teams on acquisitions, disposals, reorganisations and other transactions which are considerably more interesting to him than they are to anyone else. He made his name with an emergency promotion to partner and lead advisor on the Bermuda Widgets plc listing after the partner managing the deal passed away from blood loss after an unfortunate second-degree papercut accident.
Although corporate M&A is and remains Tom’s principal area of core expertise, he also has experience in real estate finance and insolvency matters. He considers himself particularly well placed to advise clients on these areas because, in his words, “how hard can it be?”
Tom is known around the office by the affectionate nickname “File Number Please”, reflecting his unwavering commitment to accurate time recording. Tom is famously reluctant to have a conversation with a colleague unless they can first provide him with a file code against which the time can be recorded.
Tom’s proudest professional achievement was billing seven figures on an M&A transaction which ultimately did not complete. He considers this a particularly good example of the principle that, in transactional law, failure is merely success which has generated an exceptionally impressive invoice.
Outside work, Tom enjoys cycling, discussing cycling, buying lycra and equipment for cycling and explaining why his latest bicycle is objectively better than his previous bicycle.
“Client testimonial – unnamed GC of FTSE 250 Company:
Tom was excellent. He understood the transaction (more than I did), gave sensible advice and produced a very detailed bill when the deal collapsed. We were particularly impressed that he managed to charge for almost everything.”