My partner Sid was great at remembering names and faces. At one networking event, 15 people introduced themselves, spoke about their area of specialty, and shared something about their personal lives. After everyone had spoken, Sid said something like, “Let’s see if I have got this right,” and then repeated the details that everyone had provided. Sid was a great rainmaker.
There is a condition called prosopagnosia, or face blindness, which some people suffer from. Sid did not have it. Dr. Google talks about what may cause it, including anxiety, autism, Asperger’s and vision problems. Being unqualified to comment from the medical perspective, I will say no more about it and move on to Sid’s amazing ability to remember names. Dr. Google says many people cannot do that either. Sid could. I can’t. In fact, I can forget the name of someone who I met a minute earlier, sometimes while still speaking to them.
If you combine face blindness with an inability to remember names, you get someone like me, who has trouble following movies with large casts because I cannot remember who is who. Just in case you think that makes me a freak, according to Dr. Google that is not uncommon either (which, of course, does not mean I am not a freak for other reasons).
All of which brings me to young lawyers who are learning to network and want to become a rainmaker like Sid. If, like me, you struggle with names and faces, I can offer two pieces of advice:
First, it is worthwhile to do some research and learn some coping mechanisms.
Second, don’t torture yourself about it. You will just drive yourself crazy. There are lots of other things to feel inadequate about in the legal profession. Try some of those instead, if you really want to feel bad about yourself.
As for useful tips, these are the best coping mechanisms I came up with on my own:
- If I was at a networking event with an associate, I would tell them that if we met someone who seemed to know me and I did not introduce them within the first 10 seconds, it meant I had no idea who I was talking to, and they should jump in and introduce themselves. This would hopefully result in the person telling both of us who they were. My wife (and former associate) still does that for me today.
- I would sometimes say something subtle like, “I am bad with names and faces and have no idea who you are.” Use this one carefully. It tends to work well if you have only met the person once before, but not so well if you have met them many times. Even worse if they work at your firm. Really bad if they are one of the partners.
- Most of the time, I would just keep talking and hope they say something that would remind me of who they were, such as, “It has been great living next door to you these last 20 years.”
I wish I had better answers for you, but I don’t.
A version of this article was originally published by Law360 Canada, part of LexisNexis Canada Inc.