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Translations From Legal Talk

Translations From Lawyer Talk: Part Three

Due to popular demand (I have now asked myself to do this ten times) and as a continued public service, I am providing some more translations from Legal Talk to Plain English.

In deference to my highly intelligent wife who has told me that these are getting pretty cynical, even for me, I do want to acknowledge that there are some great lawyers out there to whom this does not apply. Once again, it may simply be a case of 99% of us giving the other 1% a bad name.

Legal Talk Plain English
Your billable hours target is 1600 hours.  We have put you in the budget for 1400 hours because we know that is as much as you can do, but we won’t tell you that because we want you to try to reach 1600. Every month we will tell you that you are failing.  
You have a non-billable hour target of 300 hours.  We don’t care if you reach it or not. In fact, we know that you can’t reach it if you are going to have a hope in hell of reaching your billable hours target. But from time to time we will tell you that you are failing.  
We will provide you with support to learn how to market your practice.  You are on your own.  
We will provide you with expert support to learn how to market your practice.  We will have our consultant tell you what you have to do and leave it to you to figure out how the hell you are supposed to fit that in and still meet your billable hours target.  
It is important to learn how to set boundaries and say no (first definition).Tell your family that your time is spoken for at the firm and that they have to get things done without you.  
It is important to learn how to set boundaries and say no (second definition).Now that we have gone on record as saying that boundaries are important, feel free to ignore this and continue to devote all of your time to the firm.
It is important to learn how to set boundaries and say no (third definition).You can say no to everyone else, but not to me.
You are not required to work on weekends unless there is an emergency.  We define an emergency as any time that a partner wants you to work on the weekend.  
You are really not required to work on weekends unless there is an emergency.  We consider it an emergency if you are not going to meet your billable hours target.  

2 replies on “Translations From Lawyer Talk: Part Three”

[On a Friday afternoon]

Legal Talk: Do any trainees (a.k.a. articling students) have capacity to assist with a brief task?

Plain English: Who wants to volunteer to give up their weekend plans?

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