My cruise took me to Saigon the other day. My tour guide was an enthusiastic young man named Hung. He explained that his generation wants to focus on making money and supporting their families, rather than dwelling in the past. When it comes to what the Vietnamese refer to as the “American War,” he said that they are willing to forgive, but not to forget.
Hung took us to the War Remnants Museum, the previous name of which was the American War Crimes Museum. They have changed the name, presumably to avoid offending American tourists, but I am guessing that they have not changed the contents much. There are exhibits on the torture of Vietnamese prisoners by Americans, birth deformities resulting from the use of Agent Orange, and the massacre of civilians.
After touring the Museum, I remarked to Hung that I don’t know how they can ever forgive.
Back on the cruise ship, I met Bob, who was quite upset that we were required to pay a fee of US $56.00 for a visa to visit Vietnam. Two of his friends died in what the Americans call the “Vietnam War,” and Bob thought that the least that the country could do is waive the visa fee for Americans.
I thought about trying to explain to Bob that the United States lost the war and that the government of Vietnam does not consist of former American allies. He is unlikely to find a whole bunch of people who would share his perspective that the Americans were in Vietnam to help, and that their sacrifices should be honoured. Having said that, I can understand that Bob’s perspective was shaped by the narrative sold to him in his youth by his government and crystallized by the death of his friends. Bob does not want to know differently. He did not go to the museum.
Good lawyers can bring objectivity to resolve difficult situations. Counsel can cut through the emotion that a client understandably brings to a dispute, and see both sides of the story. They can help the client see their own part in what went wrong and the strengths and weaknesses of their case. A good lawyer can manage the client’s expectations and make a settlement possible. Alternatively, they can create a litigation strategy based on a realistic understanding of where each side is coming from.
I met many capable lawyers who developed the valuable skill of being able to understand the perspective of all sides to a dispute, and were able to serve their clients well. I met fewer who were able to apply that skill when dealing with issues which arose in their dealings with their own partners.
When it comes to matters in which they have a personal interest, lawyers seem to morph into Bob, who cannot see beyond his own perspective.
Think about that the next time you are completely right and your partner is absolutely wrong. *
*(Of course, there are always exceptions. For example, when I disagreed with my partners, I was always right. Their perspective was just dumb.)
A version of this article was originally published by Law360 Canada, part of LexisNexis Canada Inc.